


I Love You Baby! And If It's Quite Alright I Need You Baby!

by TheDarkestDandelion



Series: The Daemon, the Soldier and a Stolen Bio-Weapon AU [112]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Ardyn Izunia Is Drunk, Ardyn Izunia Loves To Sing, Ardyn Izunia Needs A Hug, Attempt at Humor, Big Brothers, Clarus Amicitia Being An Asshole, Drunk Dialing, Drunk crying, Drunken Confessions, Family, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Insecurity, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Somnus Lucis Caelum, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Phone Calls & Telephones, Protective Cid Sophiar, Protective Cor Leonis, Protective Weskham Armaugh, Regis Lucis Caelum is a Troll, Serenading, Singing, Tears, happy drunk, self-loathe, sobs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:55:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28394988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDarkestDandelion/pseuds/TheDarkestDandelion
Summary: Cor is having a lovely time with Regis, Clarus, Cid and Wesk when he gets a call from Ardyn. Concerned because Ardyn would never interrupt the little time the five have together, Cor answers only to discover that Ardyn is off his face drunk!But how? Alcohol has no effect on his husband… Oh, Gods! What has the man gone and done!
Relationships: Ardyn Izunia/Cor Leonis, Clarus Amicitia & Weskham Armaugh & Cor Leonis & Regis Lucis Caelum & Cid Sophiar
Series: The Daemon, the Soldier and a Stolen Bio-Weapon AU [112]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1310333
Comments: 12
Kudos: 18





	I Love You Baby! And If It's Quite Alright I Need You Baby!

**Author's Note:**

> This was such a joy to write!
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this crack of a fic XD With Ardyn singing a lot!!!

Cor really savoured these precious few moments when none of them were busy, and they had an hour or two to all sit down with each other as they used to a long, long time ago. 

Cid had come to Insomnia as a form of retirement because Cindy didn’t want him working with heavy machinery anymore. Cor was so grateful she put her foot down on the matter. He dread to think what accident could fall upon his honorary dad if he was still working! Wesk, he had opened a restaurant in Insomnia as well as Caem and travelled every few weeks to see how his business’ were running. This week Wesk was here, and somehow Clarus had convinced Regis to step away from the throne for a day or two and let Somnus take charge. Cor had no idea how he did it, but he dared not ask. Just by chance he had come back from a mission yesterday and wasn’t scheduled to go on another for a while. He was secretly glad of that. He was getting too old for his job. This is why he was unbelievably happy to be sitting here with his brothers and his dad. It was nice, peaceful and they could all have a catch up without anyone disturbing them. 

Or so they thought… 

Cor’s phones started to ring, groaning in displeasure he retrieved from his phone pocket and frown. 

“What’s the matter Kid?” Cid asked. 

“Ardyn’s calling me.” Cor said, a little confused. 

Because if the five of them were having a catch-up or spending some time together, Ardyn never called. He never interrupted them unless he really needed to. 

“Answer it, Cor. We don’t mind. It could be about Prom.” Regis smiled, drinking his tea. 

“Are you sure?” 

“It’s probably important.” Wesk nodded, taking hold of the cookie tin and moving it away from Clarus before he got his big hands in there again. 

“Or he is complaining because Somnus killed him again.” Clarus muttered thinking that was the most likely option, scowling at Wesk who had taken his favourite snack away. 

“Oh gods.” Cor moaned, agreeing with Clarus, answering his phone immediately. “Ardyn what’s the matter?” 

Cor had to quickly recoil his head away from the device as his husband shouted down the phone at him. 

_ “I LOVE YOU BABY! AND IF IT’S QUITE ALRIGHT I NEED YOU BABY!”  _

Cor stared at the phone, unsure of what just happened. Did his husband scream a really old song lyrics at him down the phone?! 

“What the actual fuck!” Cor scoffed, glancing at the other men in the room who were sharing expressions just as perplexed as his. Yet Ardyn was still singing his heart out, getting the rest of the words wrong and… slurring his words? 

Ardyn didn’t slur his words… ever! 

“Kid put him on speaker.” Cid grumbled and he didn’t sound very happy.

Cor did it and quickly placed his phone on the table in front of him, as lovely as his husband’s singing voice was, he could really do without Ardyn bursting his eardrums right now. 

_ “OH PRETTY BABY! DON’T BRING ME DOWN, I- Ewww! I’m not praying!” _ Ardyn cringed to himself on the other end of the phone before repeating the same lyrics again, and Cor could not work out what the hell was happening?

“Ardyn are you alright?” Cor asked, feeling quite worried about him. Ardyn’s health and been going up and down since erecting that bloody wall, his husband could be in some serious trouble! 

_ “YES MY DARLING!!” _ Ardyn sang louder than before, putting his heart and soul into his words.  _ “I just wanted to sing to you! I LOVE YOU COREY! AND IF IT’S QUITE ALRIGHT I NEED YOU COREY!”  _

Cor let a wave of frustration come over him. Ardyn fucking knew how much he hated that awful nickname- 

“He’s drunk.” Cid stated, swarming with anger. 

Cor blinked and looked at Regis. The King looked as confused as he felt because that shouldn’t be possible. At all! 

“Cid, Ardyn can’t get drunk.” Regis said with caution. 

“Well he clearly fuckin’ is, after he promised him he’d pack it all in for him!” 

“He’s not drunk.” Cor said with confidence, because he knew for a fact alcohol had no effect on his husband. It hadn’t since the daemons corrupted him as they simply absorbed it all. Because apparently, the ethanol found in it was too weak. However, Ardyn’s voice was slurred, he called him for no reason and he was calling him something he loathed. So it wasn’t that far of a stretch to assume… Cor had to get to the bottom of this. “Ardyn, stop singing.” 

“ _ Okay!”  _

“What’s going on?” 

Ardyn giggled down the phone and started to whisper like he had just committed a sin. “ _ Drank a little bit of poison.”  _

“SORRY?! YOU DID WHAT?!” Cor screeched in horror. 

_ “No, no, its fine… its, its, its, my equivalent of alcohol! And Som som, very mad at me for it.”  _ Ardyn stopped to coo over his own words. _ “Som som rhymes with prom prom! Awww how cute!” _

“Told ya.” Cid grumbled, looking about ready to smash Ardyn’s face in for Cor. 

“I am confused.” Regis admitted staring at the phone.

“When ain’t ya?”

“Cid.” Wesk warned. 

“Wesk, let them squabble.” Clarus said, looking at Cor, feeling very worried for him. 

Weirdly enough after Cor got over the initial shock that his husband had willingly poisoned himself, Cor didn’t feel like shit. He didn’t feel betrayed that Ardyn had gotten himself drunk after he declared, off his own back, he would never touch alcohol again for him. He was actually rather interested. For he had never, ever, since the first day they met, seen or heard Ardyn Leonis drunk before. In the Marshal’s youth, Cor felt a little cheated out because he was under the impression he’d never be able to witness it but now he could...

A small smirk grew on his features - Ardyn was still singing like there was no tomorrow - glancing up at Regis and sniggered. “Shall we have some fun with this?” 

Developing a devilish grin, Regis nodded in agreement. 

“I don’t see how you can.” Wesk stated, growing concerned for Cor’s head more than anything else.

“I agree. This ain’t funny.” 

“Oh let Ardyn have fun.” Cor rolled his eyes. 

“Like we let ya ‘have fun.’” 

“Cid that was too far.” Clarus snapped, side eyeing the Mechanic. He too was just as uncomfortable as Wesk and Cid were but he was equally as curious. This was an opportunity of a lifetime! Seeing, or rather hearing, the Adagium off his face. Cor wasn’t anywhere near him so it wasn’t that much of an issue. 

“I am just sayin’.” 

“Don’t please.” Regis said, leaning forward very eager to hear what Ardyn would say next. But he didn’t say anything, he just kept singing the same words over and over again; causing the King to pout. “Cor, make him speak.” 

“Okay.” Cor smiled, clearing his throat. “Ardyn. You’re hurting my ears.” 

A huge gasp came from the other end of the phone, followed by a very loud frantic apology.  _ “I am sorry! I’ll be quiet!”  _

“That’s not being quiet.” Cor sniggered. 

_ “Shhhh!” _ Ardyn hushed himself and the sound soon turned into a whine. “ _ Cor I can't see you!” _

“That’s because I’m on the phone.” 

_ “...oh. That makes me sad.”  _ Ardyn moaned in a sad tone.  _ “Can you come out of the phone, please?”  _

Cor facepalmed himself. Right apparently his husband was a dumb musical drunk. 

“Think about what you just said.” Cor ordered. 

_ “Ummm what did I just say? I can’t remember.”  _

Right. He wasn’t going to laugh. He was not going to end up like Regis who was going red in the face trying his hardest to contain his laughter. Nope. Cor bite his lip to prevent that from happening but his silence allowed Ardyn to continue speaking. In hindsight, that was a mistake, a very funny one, but a mistake nonetheless. 

_ “Oh! Oh! Cor! Cor!”  _

“Yeah…” 

_ “Did you know that Niflheim is really young compared to everything else! I remember when it was given the status of a nation and I remember laughing thinking. ‘That nation is going to fall and crumble within the decade! Because who builds a civilization on top of a sleeping goddess!’ I was wrong… so very very wrong- Damn it! I owe Somnus a million gil! I don’t have that kind of money!”  _ Ardyn growled to himself before randomly jumping right back into his happy voice, going back to mansplaining history to them.  _ “I won’t remind him! Anyway! Did you know Lucis was…”  _

Cor took in a deep sigh realising that this could go on forever. Ardyn was a complete history boff when he wasn’t hanging out of his own arse and laughing over nothing. Cor pitied himself. But not as much as he pity the others. They weren’t used to this as much as he was. So while Ardyn was distracted by himself, Cor went to apologise for his husband’s antics. 

“Sorry, I might just-”

“You married a  _ very _ old man, Cor Leonis.” Clarus snorted, joining in with Regis’s relentless giggling. 

“I know. I am well aware!” Cor replied, rubbing his temple, trying his best to block out Ardyn’s mindless ramblings about the creation of Eos. 

“I actually feel sorry for you having to listen to him do this all the time.” Regis said completely empathising with Cor. For his uncle used to do this to him when he was a teenager as a form of punishment. 

“He usually shuts up when I stop responding to him.” 

“Well he ain’t doin’ that now.” Cid grimace He was actually getting a headache listening to it. 

“Perhaps if you could change the subject Cor, because I don’t think he has registered that we can hear him.” Wesk commented, also wanting His Grace’s tomfoolery to end. 

“I’ll give it a go, but once he is off on one, that’s-”

_ “Why did Prompto have to grow up?!”  _

Cor’s heart broke a little upon hearing the sudden change of subject and the sound of pure sadness engulfing Ardyn’s voice.

_ “He’s just so precious! He should have been five forever! Then I wouldn’t feel so old! I just want to protect him forever!”  _

“Thanks for making me feel old, Ass Hat.” Cor grumbled, trying not to think about how old Prom was and follow his husband down the river of tears. He wasn’t going to cry over something like that. Not in public anyway...

But apparently, everyone else was finding his husband’s tears amusing. Cor was not and he was not happy at all by their sniggering; especially since three of them had children and two of them had lost their sons. Well, Cor was going to get them back for laughing. He went closer to the phone and made sure he pushed his emotions down so he didn’t accidentally start tearing up over Prom’s age. 

“Ardyn?” 

Ardyn sniffled on the other end.  _ “Y-y-es?”  _

“Stop crying for a second.” 

_ “O-o-kay... okay.” _

Cor heard Ardyn take in a massive deep breath before exhaling dramatically. He was already a drama king, Cor should have known better to think Ardyn would be any different in the state he had found himself in.

“What do you think of Regis?” 

The King suddenly stopped laughing and glared at Cor. Good. This would teach him not to laugh at Ardyn. 

_ “Reggie!!!” _ Ardyn squealed in delight.  _ “I love him, love him, love him, love him! He’s my favourite nephew ever! He’s just so adorable and cute and lovely and everything I am not! The world would be a better place if everyone was like him! He even let Som and I dress him up like a princess to annoy the fuck out of Mors! Reggie is just perfect!”  _

Cor gave Regis a smug look as the King’s face dropped with instant guilt. 

“You know what they say, Reg, people tell the truth when drunk.” Cor smiled with glee, deciding he would pick on Clarus next as he was still laughing like a little school boy. “What about Clarus?”

_ “Clarus? Ummm…. I swear he still fancies me!”  _

Cor burst out laughing, watching as Clarus choked on air, looking horrified by what was just said.

_ “I mean, you said it darling, he was the one that continued to text me after I accidentally texted him thinking he was you!” _

“Yeah? Maybe should I ask him if he does?” Cor asked, holding his nose failing to mask his sniggers. 

_ “No! I am only joking! But… I love him for keeping my Reggie safe for so long. For looking after him for so well and putting up with all his childish behavior! I should stop teasing over his love of… what’s the word? Oh! Flowers! But it’s so funny to wind him up!”  _

Cor poked his tongue out at Clarus when the Shield’s eyes dropped to the floor. Yeah, that’s right. He was happy those two buffoons had shut the hell up. Now to sort out his other brother and dad, because the two morons were still laughing at him. Their laughter was probably more directed at Regis and Clarus now, but Cor was not leaving any of them out. 

“I am sure Clarus doesn’t mind. Now, what about Wesk?” 

There was a pause on the other end of the line. Before Ardyn screamed down the phone in delight! 

_ “BEST. COOKIES. EVER!!! They're so good! You and Prom eat them all and I never get any! I feel deprived! I wish Wesk could live with us, so I could have them all the time...”  _

“Ardyn, Wesk does live with us. He lives in the Citadel.” Cor replied as bluntly as he could because there was no way he could keep a straight face at that statement.

_ “Really?!”  _ Ardyn gasped _. “When did this happen?! Why did no one tell me?!”  _

“Oh my gods, you idiot!” Cor shook his head, in tears, as they streaming down his face with laughter. “He’s lived with us for years! Since the wall went up! You idiot daemon!” 

_ “Oh yeah…. Then why don’t I get cookies?”  _

“I don’t know… I don’t know.” Cor continued to laugh, finding it hard to breathe. Oh, his husband was too precious. 

Cor didn’t even care if all four of them were laughing at Ardyn’s idiocy. He honestly wished Somnus had heard that. It was too perfect. Right, Cor had to get himself together now. For he honestly wanted to know how Ardyn felt about Cid. 

“Ardyn?” Cor said, trying to get his husband’s attention but he was happily humming something to himself. “Ardyn? Ardyn Leonis?” 

_ “Umm… why, yes?”  _

“What do you think of Cid?” 

Regis, Clarus and Wesk were just as eager to know as Cor. They all stopped laughing and patiently awaited for Ardyn’s response. Cid on the other hand, didn’t look too impressed. His honorary dad sat back in his chair quietly taking a sip of his coffee. 

Ardyn’s voice stopped being jolly and went sombre.  _ “I… I am scared shitless of that man. But… he’s your dad and he loves you and all he wants to do is protect you… so I have to love him too, it’s the law.”  _

Cor closed his eyes when hot coffee, straight from Cid’s mouth, went all over him. Cor began to giggle - wiping the coffee off his face with his sleeve - at Cid’s reaction to Ardyn’s true feelings about the man. No matter how much Cid wanted to protest it, he was on the same wavelength as Ardyn when it came to him. So by default that meant Cid loved Ardyn too. None of them were ever going to let either of the old coots live this down. 

_ “And who couldn’t love you Cor! You are amazing!”  _

“Oh no.” Cor whispered, knowing full well what type of drunk Ardyn was about to turn into. A clingy, sobbing mess. 

_ “I don’t deserve you!”  _ Ardyn full-on burst into tears, worse than he had been before, spluttering his words and whimpering like a child who had lost their favorite thing in the entire world.  _ “You are perfect in every single way and I am just a monster who doesn’t deserve to be your husband!”  _

“Ardyn it’s okay.” Cor said quickly, not having a clue how to handle this at all. 

_ “No it’s not! You’re an alcoholic and I am calling you drunk! That’s so selfish of me! I don’t deserve you! I don’t deserve Prom! I don’t deserve anything but Angelgard and eternal damnation! I just love you so so so so so so much!”  _

“Ass Hat you do deserve me. And I love you too.” Cor tried once again to reassure him, but he wasn’t having any of it. 

_ “No I don't! I am an evil monster who deserves nothing in life! Nothing but pain and darkness!”  _

“Right okay.” Cor said, picking up his phone, wanting to take it off speaker because no one needed to hear any more of that. He hated it when Ardyn did this to himself, for that reason Cor was going to be publicly affectionate towards him because he needed the comfort. “Darling, where are you? I am coming to get you.” 

“Cor you can’t go and get him.” Wesk said, words semi-preventing Cor from leaving his seat. 

“Just because he is drunk doesn’t mean I can’t look after my own husband!” Cor snapped back. “He’s not even properly drunk anyway! He’s poisoned himself!” 

Granted Cor didn’t know what on, it could be pure ethanol for all he knew, but he didn’t care; he just wanted to make sure Ardyn was alright. By the sounds of it Ardyn was not okay at all! 

“Let Somnus do it?” Clarus suggested, ready to get his phone out to contact the Founder King. 

“Fuck’s sake! I think he wants me!” Cor growled. He understood why they were reluctant to let him help Ardyn but seriously? Ardyn needed someone to make him feel safe and loved! Because Ardyn had made Somnus mad, his brother-in-law simply did not fit that role. Just as Cor was about to tell them all exactly that, his husband’s voice came blaring through the phone again. Once again plastered with joy. 

_ “WHO’S AFRAID OF THE BIG BAD ADAGIUM! WHO’S AFRAID OF THE BIG BAD ADAGIUM!” _

“No he’s okay.” Cor laughed with a smile. Still they were going to have to have a chat about his deep-rooted insecurities later. But to make sure Ardyn didn’t suddenly drop back into that state again, he spoke loudly down the phone and put the device back on the table. “Ardyn?! Guess what?” 

_ “What?”  _ Ardyn asked like an excited child. 

“Regis, Claris, Cid and Wesk are here.” 

_ “My favourite people!”  _ Ardyn cheered.  _ “HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” _

Cor went back to pissing himself with laughter because one, Ardyn had no idea they had listened to their entire conversation and two, Ardyn was trying to have four different conversations with them all at the same time. Oh, he loved this man so much! Regis looked the happiest out of all of them because the man was glorifying in the fact he was still Ardyn’s favourite. Regis was everyone’s favourite though. He was just Regis.

_ “...and that is why I love you all so much! And you are my favourites!”  _

“Love you too Uncle Ardyn!” Regis smiled back with glee. 

“Wait a second Ardyn, what about our son? Isn’t he your favourite person on Eos?” Cor asked, purposely teasing his husband. 

_ “Darling, our sunbeam, tops everything! He is not allowed to be a part of any of my lists because he automatically wins by default as he is simply perfect in every way!” _

“Yep! You are going to make him cry when he hears that.”

_ “Well, it’s true!” _

_ “ARDYN LEONIS!” _

_ “Oh dear….” _

Cor glared at the phone after hearing Somnus scream at the top of his lungs at Ardyn. And because Ardyn had a small break down on him less than 10 minutes ago, Cor didn’t want Somnus yelling at Ardyn-

_ “You are going to break your neck! Get off the ceiling! NOW!” _

“YOU’RE ON THE FUCKING CEILING!!!”

* * *

Ardyn moaned in pain, trying his hardest to open his tired eyes. His head was so sore and he felt the scourge slowly digest whatever he had left of a stomach. He wanted to be sick. He wanted to go back to sleep. He wanted to go to the toilet and pee, he didn’t know why because he hadn’t needed to urinate in over 2000 years! Above all else he wanted this horrendous headache to stop! 

When he felt warm fingers run through his hair, he forced open his golden eyes to see Cor smiling down at him. 

“My Marshal…” Ardyn muttered out weakly. 

“Hey, Ass Hat.” Cor whispered lovingly at him. 

“My head hurts.” 

“I know. Because you drank poison.” 

“Huh?” Ardyn questioned, mind still foggy. “Why would I do that?!” 

Cor shrugged. “I have no idea. What I do know is, that it makes you act like the village fool who is still out on the pub crawl when everyone else has gone home.” 

Ardyn’s eyes immediately glistened with guilt. He hadn’t done that in ages! He never wanted to do that and in front of Cor! It was so inconsiderate of him! He tried to sit up, not caring that his head felt as if someone had smacked him with a shovel, and started to whimper, trying his hardest to apologise for his tactless behaviour.

“Oh darling! I am so sorry! I didn’t mean to! I am sorry!”

Cor laughed and kissed Ardyn on the nose. “Oh sweetheart, it’s okay! I found it funny.” 

“But I shouldn’t have…. You…”

“Are fine.” Cor promised, gently pushing Ardyn’s head back on the pillow and then proceeding to place his own head a few inches away from his worried husband’s. “I am fine and I love you.” 

Ardyn nodded as he felt Cor wrap him up in a tight embrace. “I love you too.” 

Cor kissed his forehead and sighed. “Go back to sleep. You need to get rid of this headache and when you wake up I can tell you everything you said.”

Ardyn gulped. He did not like the sound of that or the tone Cor had used…..

_What the fuck had happened?!_


End file.
